“I am confident I will be his loving, appreciative and supportive Khadija.”
These are words I wrote in my personal credo long, long ago about the type of a wife I wanted to be once I was married. I wasn’t married when I wrote it and I don’t believe I fully understood what it meant to be someone’s Khadija. It sounded cool and to be honest, more than anything I wanted a husband so in love with me that when he’s asked about me, he would respond like Muhammad salla Allahu alayhi wassalam responded about Khadija and say: “I have been nourished with her love.” The first time I learned this Hadith, I was mesmerized with how the Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wassalam explained the depth and source of this love for his wife.
In Ramadan 2015, 4 years into my marriage, I remember making intense Dua at Taraweeh that Allah make me an appreciative and supportive wife like Khadijah. My teacher and mentor, Anse Tamara Gray was leading the Taraweeh and many of her khatirahs were about how supportive Khadija was. It was emotionally an intense dua for me because I, for the first time, understood what it meant to be a wife like Khadija. I understood that the deep love Muhammad salla Allahu alayhi wassalam had for Khadija was born out of seriously significant expressions of love that I wanted to also give to my dear husband. While every marriage and every couple is unique, reflecting over who Khadija really was for Muhammad salla Allahu alayhi wassalam moved me to tears over and over and over again. It wasn’t simply wishing it or writing about it anymore… It was testing my willingness to express love in a way greater than I even knew was possible.
I’d like to share with you words that I wrote few months ago when this realization finally sunk in my mind and heart.
When as a wife you make dua to become your husband’s Khadija, realize that Allah will bring you a test in your relationship and marriage that is suitable for you.
Will you marry him based on his character… a character that brings you security and barakah?
Will you support him when he needs your support?
If he’s ailing and needs a healer, will you take him to the best healers you know?
Will you believe in him even when he doesn’t even believe in himself?
Will you see his potential, the one Allah is calling him to? Will you believe in him even when he doesn’t see it?
Will you empower him even when he wants to cover it all up? Will you reassure him that he’s of upright character and Allah won’t dishonor him? Will you know the upright character?
Will you stand by him and give him what the world won’t give him?
Will you know him like no one else knows him? Will you speak the language of his heart?
Will you use your strength to strengthen him?
Will you bring him safety and security?
Will you invite safety and security from AlRuh and AlSalaam?
Will you become his provision of love? Will you live eternally in his heart?
Will your memory inspire him to give generously?
Will the strongest of women envy your mention?
Will you inspire an Ummah?
I pray that Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala, Al-Wadood, (the Most Loving) allow me and you to tap into our truest expressions of love and gift it to our spouses. May these expressions of love become nourishing for our hearts and souls as well as our spouses’hearts and souls.