New School Year & Family Intentions
Alhamdulilah, we made it for the start of a new school year. For many of us, this probably also means getting back to daily routines that we might have put on hold in the summer. This year is coming with lots of changes for my family and as a way to cope with the anxiety that comes with change, I wanted to set and write our family intentions. Just like a boat uses an anchor to remain on a stable shore; setting intentions helps me feel grounded and focused. Having had my son in pre-school the past two years and him starting kindergarten this year, we’ve experienced both smooth and chaotic transitions. I’m motivated by the positive energy we all feel when our transitions are smooth. Those smooth transitions were possible when our days started with mindful worship, snuggles, laughter, family meals and timely arrival at school and work.
What is the goal you may ask? Whether we have a small or a big family, creating a tranquil family environment is an intentional act that requires a strategic plan. I’m sure you have experienced some chaotic mornings where children are crying, parents are frustrated with the kids and with each other -if they are both present-, and everyone is throwing out of control tantrums that result in undesirable late arrivals to school and work. What’s concerning is how this start of the day leads us to feel emotionally unsettled and unprepared for learning and being productive at work. Children especially might exhibit internalized or externalized behaviors as a way to express their frustration and they may not be able to meet the demands of a class/school environment. While chaotic days are a natural and forgivable occurrence in our busy and scheduled lives, how can we establish routines that minimize the chaos and create predictable and consistent transitions? What can we do to set the emotional climate we want for the rest of the day? Children as well as adults thrive in environments that are peaceful, calm and consistent. The opposite is true as well. Environments that are stressful and unpredictable limit both adults and children’s ability to flourish.
Consider this Prophetic guidance . . .
عن أبي هريرة رضي الله عنه أن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم قال يعقد الشيطان على قافية رأس أحدكم إذا هو نام ثلاث عقد يضرب كل عقدة عليك ليل طويل فارقد فإن استيقظ فذكر الله انحلت عقدة فإن توضأ انحلت عقدة فإن صلى انحلت عقدة فأصبح نشيطا طيب النفس وإلا أصبح خبيث النفس كسلان. صحيح البخاري
Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said, “Satan puts three knots at the back of the head of any of you if he is asleep. On every knot he reads and exhales the following words, ‘The night is long, so stay asleep.’ When one wakes up and remembers Allah, one knot is undone; and when one performs ablution, the second knot is undone, and when one prays the third knot is undone and one gets up energetic with a good heart in the morning; otherwise one gets up lazy and with a mischievous heart.” Saheeh al-Bukhari
What resonates with me specifically about this hadeeth is that starting the day with Salah and all the goodness it comes with of wudhu, dhikr, dua, and the recitation of the Quran helps us start our day with energy and pleasant spirit. As for the one who misses this opportunity, he or she will struggle with laziness and negative spirit the rest of the day. This is a result of earning the pleasure of Allah and taking actions that directly impact how we feel and the energy we emit. So the question we should ask ourselves when planning is what do we want our family environment to be like and how can we create that environment?
These are some of the actions that helped us in the past and some I want to introduce or keep trying to become more consistent with. Feel free to use this and/or adjust it to fit your specific family.
Together, we will create routines that nurture a calm and peaceful home and family environment by . . .
Morning & Evening Routine
- Prepare what is needed for the morning at night and pre-pack lunches/snack bags
- Sleep early and wake up early
- Start the day with Quran and dhikr, snuggles, some silence and play (if you can’t read Quran, let it play in the background)
- Foster our son’s independence in getting ready as much as possible
- Eat a wholesome breakfast together at the table and make beds in the morning
- Leave to school/work early . . . chances are we will be on time
- Start bedtime routine early, read, snuggle and make nightly adhkar
- Limit screen time for adults in the morning and evening for urgent needs only, and limit our son’s screen time to weekends only
Home & Lifestyle Management
- Have a home organizational system and a designated spot for school materials
- Simplified planned meals and grocery shopping strategies
- Slow down on scheduled activities and use after school hours for connection, play/play dates, conversations, reading, library and outdoor activities
- Talk periodically about the routine and how it’s working out
- Be flexible with changes and plan for them as much as possible
I have to admit that I’m also open and ready for changes in our routines and flexibility with my own capacity to keep up with it. Our family is welcoming a new baby in the next few weeks insha Allah and I’ve been praying for an easy adjustment. I’m also completing my last year of graduate school and will be doing a fulltime internship in the spring semester. I already want to simply sit on the couch and do nothing but watch the new baby sleep and breath. I also realize life is much more different than it was, so I am welcoming change however it may look. Different, however, doesn’t have to mean difficult and I am embracing the idea of doing small things that impact how we feel in a ‘bigly’ way. I write this to keep myself reminded and centered with what is most important. For me, that’s spiritual habits, calm, connection, play and not losing joy in the face of challenges.
May Allah grant us internal and external tranquility in our hearts and family lives.
*While this is specifically written with going-to-school lifestyle in mind; I believe it can be applied to a family that is homeschooling as or even children who have not reached school years. You will have the added benefit of avoiding the commute and setting your own time schedule.
*And yes, this is written for back to school in mind, however, isn’t tranquility something we need at home at all times?
